


a shining in the shadows

by jennycaakes



Series: as long as we're together, does it matter where we go? [1]
Category: Check Please! (Webcomic)
Genre: Dogs, Family, Friends to Lovers, Home, I am so sorry, M/M, the dog dies
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-12
Updated: 2018-07-17
Packaged: 2019-06-09 13:37:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 12,683
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15268629
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jennycaakes/pseuds/jennycaakes
Summary: Nursey isn't really sure how he ends up being the person to drive Dex home to Maine at four in the morning, but he doesn't really mind. Every piece of Dex that he's willing to share is a valuable one. Even the ones that kinda suck.--or: Nursey drives Dex home because they have to put down Dex's dog, and no way is Dex not going to be with his family for it.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> listen... I needed a reason for Nursey to go home with Dex that was Kinda Serious, and my own lil kitten is at the ripe old age of about to die, so obviously I wrote this fic as a coping mechanism. 
> 
> they put the dog down because he's sick but there aren't any like, detailed scenes about it and nursey's not even there when it happens. however the dog dying is SAD so i totally get it if you're bowing out. no hard feelings ! 
> 
> other things include: nursey's distant family, nursey's hopeless crush on dex, and fun poindexter family antics. 
> 
> hope you give it a shot!

**Dex  
** Is anyone with access to a car awake and willing to do me the biggest favor of my life?

Nursey barely stirs at the buzz of his phone.

He hasn’t been sleeping well lately and tonight was no different. When he sees that the text is from the group message he almost doesn’t even bother to open it because that’s not who he’s waiting to hear from.

But half-asleep Nursey’s body moves without thought and he reads Dex’s messages a few times before it really sinks in. He checks the time. Nursey knows it’s well past midnight, but actually seeing _3:28 AM_ shining back at him makes him feel a little dizzy. He’s out of it, still caught somewhere between states of being, and nearly forgets to respond. But it’s late, and Dex never asks for favors, and his fingers twitch without his mind telling them to.

 **Nursey  
** you good?

He closes his eyes to wait for a response and his phone immediately starts humming in his hand. He startles, answering it without checking. “Mmm?”

“Nursey?” he hears, and he blinks, sitting up. Nursey’s more awake now and he pulls back the phone, double checking to make sure it’s actually Dex on the other end. Because that didn’t _sound_ like Dex. “Listen, I know what I’m about to ask is a lot,” he says, and he sounds fucking _wrecked_. “But I’m out of options and I need a ride.”

“Where?” he asks.

“Home. Maine.”

“When?”

Dex exhales a laugh. “Now?”

* * *

Nursey isn’t a morning person.

He would like the mornings, he thinks, if waking up wasn’t so horrible. Even after years of those strict early morning training schedules, he’s never ready for his alarm. Not enough sleep makes him grumpy and interrupted sleep makes him mad.

But it’s not even 4 AM yet, so is it really morning? Or is he in a haze just a few steps behind it? And did he really wake up if he was never actually asleep? He hasn’t had to open his mouth yet, so he’s not really sure what kind of mood he’s in.

These are the things he’s thinking about as he waits outside Dex’s dorm for him to come down.

When Dex hops in, tossing a bag in the back, Nursey voices these thoughts.

“You haven’t been sleeping well?” Dex asks once he’s finished, completely ignoring any of the separate concerns that were previously listed. “What’s going on?”

Nursey shrugs. It’s probably important. And the only thing he ever thinks about. And he really, truly cannot sleep because of it. But he still makes it on the ice at the asscrack of dawn and gets all of his homework done, so whatever. It’s chill.

“Like you really care,” he says, ignoring Dex’s eyeroll. And then, because of course he hasn’t fucking forgotten why he’s driving to Maine at 4 in the morning, turns to Dex. “What the hell is going on _here_?”

Dex doesn’t hold his gaze, turning instead to look out the window. “It’s hard to explain,” he says in a tight voice. “I’d rather… if you don’t--”

“No, sure,” Nursey says. They don’t have to talk about it now. But he wants to know eventually just why it is that he’s crawled out of the comfort of his bed for an early morning road trip with Dex on one of his only free Saturdays in forever. “Whenever.” Dex jerks his head into a nod and Nursey turns back to the road. “Just trying to figure out how fast to drive.”

Dex ducks his head, a grateful smile on his face that Nursey so rarely gets to see. “You’re doing just fine,” Dex tells him. “And--of course I’ll pay for gas. Figure out something else for the trouble.”

“Shuddup, Dex,” Nursey mutters. “You fix all my shit whenever it breaks and bring me coffee regularly before my 9:30. You don’t need to get me something _for the trouble_.”

“You’re really thinking about sleep and sleep related items,” Dex says instead of agreeing. “We can swing by a Starbucks, Nursey. Seriously. We have time.”

* * *

Nursey doesn’t remember the last time he watched the sunrise anywhere other than a rink because it was mandatory for him to be there. As much as he loves a wild night, he also loves his bed, so wasted or not he’s typically there _way_ before the sun makes an appearance.

But it’s 5:42 AM in mid-April and he’s watching the sun crest over the hills in southern Maine with Dex in his passenger seat. He decides he would definitely be a morning person if the circumstances were different. Dex props himself up by the window and yawns, and Nursey wonders if he’s thinking anything at all about the way the sky shifts into blue like it’s a secret unfolding before his eyes, or if he’s just tired.

“You can sleep,” Nursey tells him, glancing toward his dash where he’s shoved his phone into the grip and propped it up for directions. “We’ve got like, another hour.”

Dex shakes his head. “That’d be rude.”

“It’s not rude, man. You’ve got--” he gestures vaguely forward, “--whatever it is--ahead of you. You know? And I’ve got this coffee.”

Dex snorts, eyeing the frappe in Nursey’s cup holder. “That’s not coffee. That’s a milkshake and an early, sugar-induced death.”

“Coffee milkshake,” Nursey says. “And who cares. It brings me joy.” Dex rolls his eyes but Nursey can’t help but think he looks a little fond. “I’ll wake you up with five,” he says.

Something on Dex’s face softens and decays all at once. He’s exhausted. So tired, in fact, that he doesn’t argue. He just props up his head against the window and closes his eyes. He’s asleep in minutes.

* * *

As the drive drags on, people start to wake and respond to the message.

 **Bitty  
** Is everything okay Dex?

 **Holster  
** i’m up i’m here wya wyn

 **Chowder**  
wyn? what’s that mean?  
dex what’s happening??

 **Holster  
** what ya need, my mans

Dex is still asleep beside him and they actually shaved off a few minutes here and there so instead of waking him, Nursey pulls over to respond and let the team know they’re okay. He wants to check his texts anyway. He throws the car into park, takes a big slurp of his frappe, and types out a message as vague and normal as possible.

 **Nursey  
** we got it figured out! Dex is asleep now and soft as a button

 **Chowder**  
AWWWWW  
I LOVE IT WHEN YOU TWO GET ALONG

 **Nursey  
** friendship is magic and all that

 **Holster**  
glad to hear it because i’m WAY too fucking hungover to drive anywhere  
does anyone know where my goddamn glasses are???  
OR RANSOM????

 **Ransom**  
literally just downstairs holtz ****  
i’ll bring them to you one sec  
glad Dex is okay!!

With no other messages, Nursey slides his phone back into its grip and gets back on the route before Dex can even stir.

* * *

With ten minutes left, the streets get worse, a little rougher and Dex wakes up on his own from the bumps. He rubs his eyes and, though he still looks tired, he also seems more refreshed than before.

They’re nearly there when Dex croaks out, “You can’t laugh.”

Nursey frowns. “Laugh at what?” he asks.

“Me. This.”

Nursey’s frown deepens. “Dex--”

“I’m serious. Chirping is off-fucking-limits, Nurse.”

“ _Dex_ ,” Nursey says again, unsure if he should be offended or not. What the hell are they doing here in Dex’s hometown? He doesn’t want to think anything too awful, not yet, but Dex isn’t really giving him much to go off of. And how dare he think Nursey would chirp him over something serious! “What’s going on?”

Dex huffs, red hair a mess, red in the face, red rimming his _eyes_ , and says, “We have to put my dog down.”

Nursey’s foot hops off the gas in surprise for a moment. “Cooper?” he asks, and Dex’s eyes spring with tears as he looks away.

No fucking way would Nursey chirp about this.

Cooper’s the best dog in the world and Nursey’s never even met him. Some beautiful short-haired mutt who’s brown and gray and white. Dex has a million photos of him and his sisters are always sending more and he’s always sharing them with the group chat and Nursey _loves_ that dog. He’s big and speckled and _beautiful_ and every photo of Cooper looks like he’s smiling. And more than Nursey loving this dog that he’s never met-- _Dex_ loves this dog.

When he Skypes home he makes sure he sees the dog and at more than one drunken Haus party Nursey’s heard the story of Cooper protecting Dex as a small child from another dog that had bitten him and Dex loves his family more than anything and this dog is definitely part of that family.

And they have to put him down?

“It’s stupid,” Dex chokes out as he digs the heels of his palms into his eyes. “I know, but--”

“It’s not stupid,” he stops him. Nursey doesn’t understand why Dex acts like every show of emotions is stupid. “Seriously. I get it. What happened?”

Dex looks like he doesn’t know if he should be grateful or confused so he settles with neutral, looking out the window again so he doesn’t have to risk accidentally making eye contact. “He was having seizures,” Dex says, “so they took him to the vet last night and there’s a tumor, and--” Dex coughs, clearing his throat. “My sisters are really upset,” he murmurs, voice thick. “And I can’t--I _had_ to be there when it happened.”

Nursey nods. For sure.

“Is there a time?” he asks, checking the clock. Are vet offices even open this early? “Should we have gone faster?”

Dex… looks a little sheepish. “I didn’t, uh--think anyone was going to be awake,” he says. “And you said you could go right away, and--”

“Holy shit,” Nursey says, realizing. “Is this my day? Hanging out with you and your family and Cooper the dog?”

Dex’s face flares up again. “ _No_ ,” he says firmly. “I mean--it _can_ be. But it doesn’t--the city’s got some nice shops you’d probably like and it’s not too far, if you don’t want to be trapped. And--listen, I know it’s--that’s why I said it’s a lot. I’ll see if my dad could drive me back on Sunday? Then maybe you can just head back to Samwell and--”

“Chill. I’m super down to hang out with you and your dog, dude.” Dex smiles again, that same small soft one from before, and Nursey tries not to linger on it. “Unless you want the space. But I’m happy to be photographer for the day too?”

Dex chokes out a laugh. “You don’t have to do that,” he insists. “Really. You being there will help be a good buffer to not make this the actual worst day of my life.”

“Really happy my presence is a present,” Nursey chirps.

Dex shakes his head, but he doesn’t argue.

* * *

See, the thing about Dex is that he’s actually a pretty good person, trying really hard to seem like he isn’t.

Dex surely does not see himself this way, but Nursey does.

Maybe they’ve got some clashing opinions regarding how much creamer needs to be poured into coffee (and, yes, maybe Nursey _is_ still thinking about sleep and how to avoid it) or what sitcoms are funnier than others, but most of the _real_ shit they’ve worked through already. Dex came to school with some problematic points of view because he’d never had them challenged before. Now that he’s had them challenged by people like Shitty or Chowder and is actively working through understanding issues he didn’t used to, Dex actually has some pretty thoughtful opinions.

He’s a logical dude. His educated beliefs make sense.

But Nursey thinks he might still be punishing himself for some shit he said a while back, despite the apologies. Or maybe it’s just easier for Dex to remain closed-off and not be vulnerable with the team now that they’re two years in and that’s just how he’s used to being. Dex is always working on the Haus which most people think is for dibs or whatever, but Nursey knows there’s a piece of trying to prove himself in it as well. It’s how he shows he cares.

The Dex that Nursey knows is Samwell Dex. His smiles are rare and have to be earned. His brow is almost always furrowed. He isn’t affectionate. Dex always thinks before he speaks, always looking at the ground when he adds his opinion to a conversation as though he’s worried someone will attack him for it, always trying to swallow back his laughter as though he doesn’t think he has the right to find things funny.

Samwell Dex is nothing like Home Dex.

Home Dex keys into his family’s tiny townhouse and lays his whole body on the door because apparently it gets stuck if someone’s not tending to it regularly. Home Dex is _loud_ , calling out “ _is anyone here?”_ the second he gets inside, kicking off his shoes by the small platform entrance before dragging Nursey up to the first real floor. Home Dex lights up the second he hears the place come alive, laughs brightly at a muffled _woof_ from all the way upstairs, takes the steps two at a time to the second floor until he finds someone.

Nursey lingers on the first floor, taking in his surroundings.

He can’t help but study the chips in the wall, the stains in the carpet. Not because it’s bad, but just because it’s different. That’s what he and Dex fight the most about after all, money and how they were raised and what they had to work for. Maybe Nursey’s floors were always polished and clean and maybe the walls of his home were fresh but they were also bare, and hardwood always made the silence louder.

Dex’s home is riddled with love. There’s a whole pile of shoes by the door with an adorable hand painted sign requesting visitors to take their own off before proceeding. The walls are adorned with photo after photo of grinning redheads, arms wrapped around one another as they beam at the camera. There’s proof that people live here. Mail piled up on the table. Sticky notes in places for people to remember things. Keys piled in a bowl.

_“Willie’s home!”_

Nursey settles in the living room while Dex, upstairs, laughs louder than Nursey’s ever heard. Cooper is barking now, happy and excited, and there’s more laughter so real and genuine that Nursey can feel it in his stomach.

The couch is worn down but comfortable and Nursey sinks down, fully intending to text their friends an update. But he didn’t really sleep last night, and then all the driving, and next thing Nursey knows he’s woken up by a dog licking his hand even though he doesn’t remember falling asleep.

Cooper. Is. Beautiful.

“Don’t feel special,” Dex says, and Nursey blinks himself awake to find Dex standing a few feet away from him with an easy smile on his face. He didn’t even hear Dex come back downstairs. It’s super disorienting. “Cooper loves everyone.”

Nursey sits up, scratching the pup behind his ears. “Of course he does,” Nursey says, his voice going soft. He fucking loves dogs. He can’t help it. “Sweet beautiful baby! God I love you so much.”

Dex laughs. He actually laughs, shaking his head at Nursey while he makes kissy faces to this sweet angel of a dog. Nursey is going to catalog all of these laughs, save them somewhere in his heart.

“He’s not a baby,” a small voice says, and Dex’s eyes snag on a younger girl waiting just in the doorway. “He’s actually pretty old.”

“That’s true,” Nursey says in agreement, still patting Cooper on the head. “But all dogs carry the joy of a puppy with them forever.” The girl grins, looking to Dex like she’s asking a question, and Dex nods. “Are you Katie or Rebecca?” Nursey asks.

“Just Becca,” the girl says, entering the living room. She stands by Dex’s side and leans against him, nearly a full foot shorter but with hair that’s just as red.

“Cool. I’m Derek. I like your dog.”

Becca’s smile gets sad. “Yeah, me too.” Dex messes up Becca’s hair, looking a little sad himself.

“What grade are you in, Becca?” Nursey asks.

“Eighth,” she answers.

“Whoa. You’re about to be like, a real adult. High school, and all that.”

“Don’t remind me,” Dex mutters.

“Willie said he might even buy me a phone for graduation,” Becca says brightly, looking up toward Dex like he’s the best thing to have ever existed.

Nursey wishes he had siblings.

“I said _might_ ,” Dex stresses, turning. “And it’s not going to be an iPhone, Becs, so don’t get too excited.”

Becca shrugs. “I just want to text my boyfriend,” she says casually, walking out of the living room with a whistle. Cooper follows after her.

Dex’s face grows red. “You’re too young to have a boyfriend!” Becca laughs and Cooper barks and Dex and Nursey are left alone in the living room. Nursey brushes off his hands (dog hair) before rubbing his eyes with an awkward part of his wrist. “You wanna nap?” Dex offers. “My room’s upstairs.”

Home Dex is a fucking trip.

“I’m not gonna nap in your bed, Willie,” Nursey chirps.

“Don’t,” Dex warns, but it’s not even as sharp as it could be, and Nursey kind of falls immediately in love with Home Dex. He’s all kinds of soft, and any softness from Dex makes Nursey’s stomach feel like goo. “Come meet my parents?”

Like Nursey’s gonna say no to that.

He follows Dex down the hallway into the kitchen where his parents are fixing breakfast, pancakes sizzling in a pan, and his sisters (Katie included) are sitting at the table. Nursey wants to soak all of this up like a sponge. He feels like he’s in one of those late night family shows that he always ended up watching as a kid when his parents forgot to send him to bed. Katie’s older than Becca and looks annoyed that she’s awake at all and there’s coffee brewing that smells fucking heavenly and Dex slides into a seat that must be his regular before looking over his shoulder in Nursey’s direction.

“So this is Derek,” Dex announces, and even though Nursey literally just introduced himself as Derek to his sister, it feels way weird to hear Dex call him that. “He drove me here, please be nice.”

Dex’s mom lights up. “Derek!” she greets. “The other defense-man! We’ve been waiting to meet you!”

Nursey feels sheepish as Dex’s mom starts toward him, arms wide open before they wrap around Nursey in a hug. “Hi,” he greets.

“Call me Gretchen,” she says as she pulls back. “That’s Mike,” she adds, pointing to Dex’s dad flipping a pancake.

"Hey there," Mike says. "Thank you so much for bringing Will home, I know it’s a drive.”

Nursey shrugs, “It’s nothing. Will’s a friend.” Dex drops his gaze to the table, his ears red, so Nursey powers on. “Besides, I’m totally obsessed with your dog. I’m so sorry to hear.”

Gretchen’s eyes grow a little wet but she nods. “Yes, thank you.” She looks to the table. “Well you can sit in Davey’s seat,” she says, “since he won’t be joining us today.” Nursey slowly crosses to the seat beside Dex, which he’s assuming is Davey’s chair as it’s the only one open that’s not at the head of the table. “He did just sent some mail, Will, honey, if you wanted to read it.”

“He’s deployed,” Dex explains as Nursey gets settled. “He sent me one too,” he says.

“He’s not really just in Canada,” Katie mutters, “right?”

Dex frowns. “He told me he was in Germany.” The Poindexters laugh, Dex included, and this is when Nursey starts thinking he might actually still be asleep. Maybe this is all some weird dream? Maybe he has a fever. “Can we get this guy some coffee?” Dex asks, nudging Nursey with his elbow. “You’re zoning out," he says softly with a little laugh.

“I’m okay,” Nursey insists.

“And creamer,” Dex adds as his father tugs a mug out from one of the cabinets. “If Nursey doesn’t get his creamer he’ll have a stroke.”

“Ah, _Nursey_ ,” Dex’s father, Mike, comments. “I always forget about those hockey nicknames. What’s it they call you again, Will?”

“Dex,” Nursey answers. “From Poindexter.” Dex wrinkles his nose at Nursey, who wrinkles his nose playfully back. “I’m fond of Dexy, myself.”

“Awww,” Becca gushes. “Willie! They call you Dexy at school?”

“You’re the worst,” Dex mutters, but still, the usual sting is gone. “No one calls me that.”

Nursey gets his coffee and his choice of creamer and all six of them eat pancakes at the kitchen table. This is the closest that Nursey’s come to a family meal in _years_ , save Hausgiving and the occasional attempts Bitty makes to get the team to sit down together. Dining hall meals aren’t half as lovely. There’s laughter over breakfast all morning. Cooper makes his way under the table, never begging for scraps but receiving them anyway. Dex chirps his sisters who chirp him right back.

“I’m dying to know,” Becca says at one point. “What’s Will like at school?”

Nursey doesn’t know how to respond. “Thoughtful?” he finally offers, remembering his own earlier revelations.

Dex snorts. “Seriously?”

“You are,” Nursey insists. “In like, a lot of ways. Let me explain,” he says, turning to Dex’s family. “So I don’t know what he’s like here,” Nursey carries on, risking Dex’s anger for his honesty. “But at school he’s always making sure he knows all sides of the story before he says anything. Takes his time to think about his answer.”

Katie jerks her thumb toward her brother. “We’re talking about this guy here?” she asks.

“Mm-hm,” Nursey carries on, watching as Dex’s face slowly shifts with color. “And he complains _all the time_ , but it’s mostly because we break sh--tuff. Stuff,” he corrects, at the worried look on Dex’s face at the concept of possibly cussing at the kitchen table. “We break things all the time and Will’s always fixing it for us, which is how we know he likes us.”

“Shuddup, Nurse.”

“Well you do, don’t you?” Nursey teases. “He’s not big on love.”

“Willie _loves_ love,” Becca comments brightly. “He’s just bad at it.”

“New subject?” Dex offers.

“Will’s always talking about the team,” Dex’s mom says, leaning into the subject change with a wink. “We’ve met most of them during family weekends.”

“Ah,” Nursey says, nodding, understanding where this is going. “But not me?”

“Not you,” his dad agrees. “And Will has a lot of... “ he trails off while Will makes a face. “Thoughts. About you.”

“Very helpful, dad,” Dex manages uncomfortably.

“I know it’s not a compliment but I’m going to take it as one anyway,” Nursey says. He’s not an idiot. Dex is close with his family. There’s no doubt in Nursey’s mind that he’s ranted to them more than once about Nursey’s clumsiness or his chillness or any of the numerous things Dex hates about him. “No, I mean--” he looks to Dex. “We used to really be at each other’s throats, huh?”

“Don’t say _huh_ like it was all that long ago,” Dex mutters. “But that’s not--if you’d been around during family weekend I would’ve had you meet them. It’s not like I intentionally kept you from meeting.”

“Oh. You weren’t around during family weekend?” Gretchen asks.

“Nah,” Nursey says. “My parents, eh…” he trails off, pinning a soft smile to his face. This day isn’t about him or his stupid problems. It’s about Dex and Dex’s family and Dex’s dog. “Just busy,” he says. Nursey ignores the look of concern on Dex’s face. “I always go away family weekend so it doesn't feel like I'm missing out.”

Dex blinks a few times. His voice is soft when he says, “You could’ve hung out with me. Or Chowder.” He shakes his head a little like he doesn’t understand. “We’re your family too, Nurse.”

Nursey lifts his mug to his lips to take a big drink of coffee rather than respond. It’s a moment too soft for the two of them, one that gives Nursey too much hope, and he doesn’t want to linger on it.

“Maybe next time,” he finally says. “So what’s the day look like for you all?” Nursey asks, turning to the rest of Dex’s family so he doesn’t have to look at him.

The problem is, really, that Nursey _likes_ Dex.

He likes Dex when he’s red in the face from anger and he likes Dex when he’s grumpy and he likes Dex when he’s not this languid, syrupy version of himself. But he likes this version of Dex too, he _craves_ it, and the look of genuine concern in Dex’s eyes is a bit too much for Nursey to handle.

Nursey likes to think that he would’ve crawled out of bed for anyone before the sun made it to the sky, but he knows it isn’t true. He said yes because it was _Dex_ who asked, even if Dex wouldn’t do the same for him. It’s stupid and hopeless to have a crush on one of his best frenemies. He knows that.

But he does. And he knows that Dex will never feel the same, the idea of Dex even liking men seems like the punchline of a joke that isn’t funny, let alone liking _Nursey,_ but Nursey can’t help himself.

Soft looks like this just make it worse.

Thankfully (or not, seeing as today is a total bummer of a day), Dex’s parents dive into their plan for how they want Cooper’s final day to be spent. They give a rundown of the plan that Katie and Becca make comments on, choosing what parks they want to take Cooper to and snacks they want to give him before the actual appointment that’s set for early evening. Nursey tries not to let himself get too sad about it. He doesn’t actually _know_ Cooper, has never actually had a dog of his own (or a pet at all for that matter), but that doesn’t mean he can’t feel how much it hurts.

Becca says she wants to take Cooper on a walk around the neighborhood one last time and at the word _walk_ he barks in excitement, still full of love and love like all pups should be. Her parents offer to go with her, and Katie and Dex volunteer to clean up so the three of them can go. In a flash they’re out the door, and Dex and Katie work with easy familiarity as they straighten up the mess of the kitchen.

“I can help,” Nursey says as he finishes his coffee. “Really.”

“You’re a guest,” Dex returns. “You’re not helping.”

Nursey rolls his eyes. “Your brother’s mean to me,” he tells Katie, because he thinks Katie might be on his side.

Katie grins. “He’s only mean to people he likes. It’s why he’s such a brat to me.” Totally on Nursey's side.

“Shuddup,” Dex grumbles. “Go sleep in my bed, Nurse,” Dex says, turning to him. “Seriously. Nap, or something. I’ll wake you up before we go to the park.”

Nursey absolutely cannot nap in Dex’s bed.

“The sheets are clean,” Katie tells him as she starts loading the dishwasher. “So you don’t have to worry about Will’s stank.”

“You two are going to give me so many headaches,” Dex exhales as Nursey laughs.

It takes a little bit more convincing but even with an absurd amount of coffee in his system, Nursey’s still pretty tired. He lets Dex lead him upstairs to his bedroom once the kitchen’s really clean.

The first sight of Dex’s room has Nursey giggling from unbounded joy. This peek into Dex’s childhood is amazing. There are trophies on shelves with some stuffed animals, some hilarious band posters, and lots of photographs that he’s pinned to the wall. The curtains are thick enough to keep out the early morning sun so Dex’s room is dark, a little dusty from not having been lived in lately.

“Don’t go snooping,” Dex warns from the doorway as Nursey leans over Dex’s desk curiously. “You won’t find anything fun.”

“All of this is fun,” Nursey tells him. He picks up a framed photo on Dex’s desk. “This your brother?”

Dex doesn’t have to enter to respond. “Yeah, Davey.” Davey’s older than Dex and looks, if possible, a little angrier. He’s wearing his uniform in the photo and Dex looks proud, but Davey looks distant. “We’re not super close,” Dex admits.

Nursey sets it back down. “I don’t have any siblings,” he says.

“Apparently you don’t have any parents either,” Dex comments. Nursey turns to look at him, finding concern in his eyes again. “I didn’t even notice they weren’t around for parent’s weekend. I just thought you were off being… you, I guess.”

Nursey crosses to sit on the edge of Dex’s mattress. “My parents are divorced,” he reminds Dex, who nods to show he remembers. “My mom moved farther away for work,” Nursey tells him. “She calls but it’s not really worth the trip. And my dad could come, but he and my step-mom are always…” Nursey trails off. He digs into his pocket for his phone, frowning at the fact that he doesn’t have any messages from home. “They’re busy,” he says again, trying to convince himself.

Dex doesn’t look like he really believes that answer, but it’s mostly true. He doesn’t need to know specifics.

“Well get some sleep,” Dex finally says. “If you can.”

“Thanks, Dex.”

“No,” he says, shaking head. “Thank _you_.”

Nursey can’t help but smile as Dex pulls the door shut. He’s always acting like Nursey’s the dramatic one when in truth Dex could probably give him a run for his money.

Nursey flips through his messages for a while before curling into Dex’s blankets and closing his eyes. Even though he hasn’t been here, the pillows smell like Dex, and Nursey’s asleep before he can even think about it.

* * *

He wakes to his phone buzzing in his hand.

“Yeah?” Nursey answers, not even checking the screen.

“Nurse-ay!” he hears. Nursey’s eyes snap open. He was sleeping _so well_. He groans, turning to bury his face in Dex’s pillows. “Where ya at, brah? I’m at the Haus whenever you’re ready.”

“Ugh. Shitty.” He shifts his phone against his face, letting his eyes close again. “Fuck. I had to drive Dex to Maine! I’m not even in Massachusetts.”

“What do you _mean_ you had to drive Dex to Maine?” Shitty asks. They had vague plans to hang out while Shitty was at Samwell this weekend, but Nursey totally forgot. And that’s probably not where Shitty’s shock is coming from anyway. “Willingly?”

“Yes, willingly,” he murmurs. “We can reschedule for tomorrow? You’ll still be around? Is that okay? I should’ve texted you, Shits, I’m sorry.”

“I’ll still be around,” Shitty says. “Don’t even worry about it! Lardo can take me to her gallery. I fuckin’ miss seeing her shit. But I’m not done with my questions about this you and Dex in Maine situation?”

Nursey groans again. He pulls his phone back so he can check the time, and only a little over an hour’s passed. He can hear some noise from downstairs that makes him think the three of them are back from their walk, but maybe if Nursey stays in bed and doesn’t move he can fall back asleep.

“He texted the chat at like 3 am,” Nursey murmurs.

“No he did _not_ ,” Shitty says.

“Just current SMH,” Nursey clarifies. He’s in maybe too many hockey related group chats. (The Falconer Fanboys is his favorite. So much hockey butt.) “He needed a ride. I have a car. I drove him to Maine.” Nursey rubs his eyes. “Why didn’t I just give him the keys?” he wonders mostly to himself.

Shitty laughs. “We both know the answer to that one, brah.”

So maybe Nursey told Shitty how he feels about Dex after no one was placed on Nursey Patrol and he had one too many drinks. It’s whatever. If he was to accidentally tell someone about his stupid hopeless crush on his fellow d-man, he’s happy it’s Shitty who knows.

“They gotta put his dog down,” Nursey tells him, voice quiet like it’s a secret. “He hasn’t put it in the chat yet though so don’t say anything. But. Yeah.”

“ _Fuck_ , man.”

“I know.” Nursey flops onto his back and looks around Dex’s small room. Then, even quieter, “I’m in his bed.”

“Haha! Dude!”

“Alone,” Nursey adds with a grin, just because he knows how Shitty can be. “Get your thoughts outta the gutter, Shits.”

“It’s where they live! But--yeah. Sucks about his dog. Are you the emotional support?”

“Apparently. Weird choice.”

“Not really,” Shitty says. “But--hey, I won’t keep you. I’ll send good energy into the universe for Dex and his dog though. And for Dex and you.”

“Bye Shitty,” Nurse says with a laugh.

He hangs up to the sound of a loud smoochy noise.

Nursey checks his messages again (still nothing) before reluctantly climbing out of Dex’s bed. It’s surprisingly comfortable, and his legs are in a weird jello-state from his nap.

As much as he really does want to snoop around, Dex asked him not to, so he doesn’t. Nursey can respect privacy. Instead he heads for the door, opening it quietly, wondering where his favorite Poindexter has gone off to.

Nursey moves down the hallway toward the stairs when he hears Dex’s voice coming from the opposite direction. He pauses, turning, and starts off for the room at the end. The door is cracked and he can’t super hear what they’re talking about, but he wants to let Dex know he’s awake.

Before he can make his presence know he hears, “Does Nursey know?” It’s Katie, the older of the two sisters, and Dex sighs in response. “Anyone on the team at all?”

“I want to tell Becca first,” Dex whispers back, sounding urgent. “Davey. Mom and Dad. Okay? I can’t rush this.”

Nursey is eavesdropping and he knows it but he can’t stop. Hearing his own name has made him curious, and besides, he _loves_ these pieces of Dex. He wants to collect them like seashells and place them on a shelf in his heart for forever. He’ll probably never get this emotional vulnerability for real, so Nursey has to make do.

“I know you’re worried, Will, but they love you. Maybe tell your _friend_ here, and--”

“I’m not fucking telling Nursey,” Dex snaps, and something in Nursey’s chest fractures. He doesn’t even know what they’re talking about, but the fact that Dex is so _angry_ about sharing a piece of himself with Nursey is startling. “And he’s not my _friend_ , it’s not like that. Just--” Nursey shifts then, and the floorboards creak and he steps forward to make himself known. Dex’s eyes are wild when Nursey knocks lightly on the door and pushes it open to find the two of them.

“Someone’s up,” Katie says, beaming, and Nursey tries to lean into it. “How was your nap?”

“Fine,” Nursey says slowly.

But Dex is hung up on the conversation he’d just been having. “What did you hear?” he asks quickly.

“Nothing,” Nursey says. Dex frowns. “Just that apparently we’re not friends,” Nursey tells him, because _what the fuck_.

“Nurse,” Dex says, short, and Samwell Dex is creeping back. He takes a deep breath, composing himself. “Listen,” he starts.

“It’s chill, Dex,” Nursey stops him, because he really doesn’t want to hear it. He needs to stop getting his hopes up that he and Dex are in a better place than they really are. It makes all of this hurt so much fucking more. “I just thought me driving you out here…” he trails off himself. Katie shifts uncomfortably and Nursey shakes his head, not wanting to drag Dex’s family into this. They’re all so great, none of them deserve to be in the middle of their shit. “It’s fine. I’ll just--” his stomach keeps doing this awful flopping thing that makes it hard to breathe. “I’ll go into the city, yeah? Like you suggested earlier.”

“It’s more like a town,” Katie comments awkwardly.

“Nurse, it’s not like you think,” Dex insists.

“No, really,” Nursey stops him, because he doesn’t want to do this. He feels tired in a different way now and Nursey _really_ does not want to get into it in front of Dex’s sister. “You should spend the day with your family anyway. I’ll give you guys your space.”

“Wait,” Katie rushes. “Derek you should stay! You're really not intruding.”

“No it’s okay,” he says as politely as he can, offering a smile. “Really, Katie. Thank you. I’ll say goodbye to your parents on the way out.”

“ _Nursey_ ,” Dex says firmly. Nursey holds his gaze, but he doesn’t speak. Finally, Dex looks away.

 _Thought so_ , Nursey thinks tiredly.

“Text me when you want to leave,” he says. Then to Katie, “It was really great to meet you despite the circumstances.”

“Yeah, you too,” she says, sounding kind of sad.

He spins on his heel and listens to Dex sigh in frustration but Nursey carries on. He hurries down the steps and ducks his head into the kitchen and scratches Cooper behind the ears after saying goodbye to Becca and Mr. and Mrs. Poindexter before marching out of the house like he was never there at all.

What the fuck? What the actual literal fuck. They’re not _friends_? Of course they’re fucking friends! Maybe they didn’t used to be but they definitely are now. At least Nursey fucking thought they were. Maybe sometimes they fight but they also walk to practice together all the time and do homework in the quad and sit side by side on the bus during roadies and why is he so worked up about this? If Dex doesn’t think they’re friends then maybe they’re not. Maybe Nursey’s been reading basic human decency as friendship. Maybe Nursey’s been letting hope bleed into reality.

 **Nursey  
** just wanted to remind u that sometimes i rly fucking hate poindexter

 **Chowder**  
))))):  
i know  
i wish you didn’t!  
but i know

 **Nursey  
** love u c

 **Chowder**  
Love YOU!!!  
tell me what’s going on soon please also!!!!!  
as i am worried!!!!!!!

 **Nursey  
** Dex’ll tell u just text him

Nursey punches in a random cafe into Google maps and drives away from Dex’s house before he lets it get to him, but honestly he knows that it already has.


	2. Chapter 2

Nursey doesn’t super like confrontation.

Mostly he thinks it doesn’t really have to happen unless it’s an extreme case. Like, someone left a dish in the sink a little too long? Whatever. Just rinse it along with your own and pop it in the dishwasher. Not a big deal. But Dex saying that he and Nursey aren’t friends?

They’re probably gonna have to talk about that one.

Or maybe… they don’t.

Maybe this isn’t a Dex and Nursey issue, maybe it’s just a Nursey one.

Nursey swings into the coffee shop 20 minutes from Dex’s house and orders another frappe, just because he can, before settling down on one of the fancy couches. He scrolls through Instagram for a while before he opens his recent calls. It’s weird to see Dex’s name nestled among those at the top.

But that’s not whose name his thumb hovers over.

He waits a beat and presses _call_ before he can chicken out.

It rings five times before hitting voicemail. Nursey almost hangs up. He could hang up. He _should_ hang up. But-- “Hey, dad,” Nursey exhales after the beep. “Just calling to say hey. Check-in. Uh, wanted to remind you I’m coming home for summer--wanted to see if you’d be around. Just feel like I haven’t--” he forces out a laugh. “I feel like I haven’t heard from you in a while now. Give me a call, okay? I just want to hear your voice. Or even--a text’s okay.” Nursey rubs his hand over his face. “It’s Derek, by the way.”

He hangs up and sets his phone down, almost as though it’s actually going to ring in response this time.

Why does no one fucking want him?

Not Dex, not his father.

After ordering a bagel Nursey pages through his step-mom’s Facebook, just to make sure his dad’s still alive, and the most recent update from just last night shows he’s doing just fine.

Nursey isn’t sure if that makes it better or worse.

See, things with Nursey and his parents have always been kind of tense.

His home was pretty okay when he was younger. Then there was an affair, a lot of fighting, a lot of moving, and then a lot of silence. They sent him to Andover because it was easier than taking care of him and trading him back and forth between houses. They gave him whatever he wanted because then they didn’t have to parent.

His mom still tries, she does, but Nursey’s pretty sure she’s always going to care more about work than about family. They talk at least once a week, no matter how busy they get.

Nursey’s dad hasn’t talked to him in a month. He remembers their last conversation in vivid detail.

“It just feels like,” Nursey had said slowly, trying to express his emotions as best he could, “that you don’t really care about anything that I do, Dad.”

It’d been a few weeks since the last time they’d spoken, but the stretches were getting longer and longer. Almost like his father was trying to wean Nursey off of him.

“That isn’t true, Derek.”

“I’m just saying how it _feels_ ,” he murmured. He’d been honored with a publication and an award the weekend before and his father hadn’t even told him congratulations. “You haven’t been to a single game. You haven’t even mentioned that I got published. Are you even going to come to my graduation?”

“Graduation is years away. And it has great significance, Derek, of course I’ll be there.”

Nursey had paused. He’d been walking to the Haus when his father called. “You don’t think that my publication’s a big deal,” he said, realizing.

“Derek,” he said.

“It’s an _honor_ ,” he whispered, voice tight. A publication in a nationally recognized literary magazine! Money! Bragging rights! A line on a resume! A reputation! A person, changed forever upon reading!

“I don’t know what you expect to get done with a creative writing degree,” his father muttered, another blow to the chest.

“Have you ever read anything that I’ve written?” Nursey asked. “I’ve sent you--everything. I’ve sent you _everything_ , Dad, have you read any of it?” The silence that followed was all the answer he needed. “The short-story,” Nursey plowed on, desperate. “The anthology of poems. Just tell me you’ve read one.”

“I don’t have the time, Derek.”

Something inside of him shattered.

Nursey lifted his hand to his eyes and swat away tears he knew were on their way. He waited. For the cave-in sigh from his father. For the excuse. There was none.

“Are you proud of me?” he finally asked.

“Derek.”

“No,” he choked out. That wasn’t an answer. He wanted an answer. “It’s--tell me, because I can do _more_ , Dad, if it’s not enough.”

“You’re being dramatic,” his father said. “Derek, I have to go.”

“Dad--”

“We’ll talk soon.”

His dad hung up before Nursey could say anything else.

He’d been trying to talk to his dad for weeks with no response. It’s not like Nursey was being needy, just a text every couple of days and a call nestled in there too. Still, nothing.

So he texted his step-mom to make sure his dad was okay, and he spoke with his mom like nothing had changed, and he cried in his therapist's office as he tried to understand.

The end of the semester was rapidly approaching and Nursey would be heading home. Or did his dad want him to make other plans? He didn’t know either way and any answer would probably bring some sort of heartache, but it was still an answer that he needed.

He’s thinking of possible housing options for the summer if he doesn’t secure anyone's dibs when his phone starts to ring again. It’s an unknown number.

Nursey always answers phone calls even when he doesn’t know the number, just in case, but this number has the same area code as Dex’s phone so he almost… doesn’t. He knows it’s stupid and he’s being a brat but he’s upset and he feels like he’s allowed to be. Not that Dex knows (or would care, apparently) about Nursey’s family shit. But he literally just drove Dex three hours home to say goodbye to his sick dog and Nursey’s always pouring himself out for people who don’t care, and he wants to protect his heart.

But Nursey’s rational side wins out and he swipes to answer.

“Hello?”

“Don’t hang up!”

Nursey exhales slowly. “Which Poindexter am I speaking with?” he asks.

“Katie. But Becca stole Will’s phone to actually get your number, so she’s here too.”

“Joint effort,” another voice agrees, which must be Becca.

“Anyway can you come back?” Katie asks. “It’s kind of urgent.”

“How urgent is kind of?” Nursey asks, rubbing his eyes. “What happened?”

“Umm… so Cooper got away from us and ran into the woods and we think maybe he’s wandering off to die alone?”

“Shit.”

Becca fakes a gasp. “Derek!” she reprimands, causing him to laugh. “Just kidding. You play hockey. You definitely say worse words than shit.”

“C’mon, Becs,” Katie groans. “You’re 14! You don’t need to say shit.”

“Whatever. We need your help,” she says, more into the phone. “Please, Derek! The more eyes searching the better! Where even are you?”

“Some coffee shop.” He considers how angry Dex’ll be when he shows up and decides that he can handle it as long as they find the dog. “Did you guys go out or are you home?”

“I knew you’d come through!” Becca says.

“We went to the park so I’ll text you the address,” Katie says, hanging up.

A moment later, he gets a text that’s an address to a park about 20 minutes away.

 **Unknown  
** cu soon!!

Nursey sighs. He orders a coffee for the road.

* * *

When Nursey shows up to the address, it’s literally a state park. Parking’s the worst and he’s pretty sure actually finding the Poindexters is going to be a hassle, but Katie sends her location so Nursey uses GPS and hopes the thick woods don’t screw up the signal.

After some trudging through some weird and windy paths and asking a park ranger for some help, Nursey finds the Poindexters in a clearing.

All of them.

Including the dog.

Becca spots Nursey first. “Derek!” she shouts brightly, and Cooper barks along happily as though he’d been waiting for Nursey’s return as well. “You found us!”

He smiles sheepishly, offering Dex as apologetic of a look as he can. But Dex murmurs something quietly to his family before he hurries to his feet and strides across the clearing to get to Nursey. Nursey prepares himself for a fight.

Instead, Dex stops in front of him and says, "You came back.”

Nursey ducks his head. “Katie called me and said that Cooper ran into the woods to die alone,” he says.

“Yeah, she told me once you were on your way.”

“You could’ve texted me and told me not to come,” Nursey says.

Dex exhales deeply. “Look,” Dex starts quietly. “My family stresses me out.”

“Your family stresses you out?” Nursey echoes. He looks over Dex’s shoulder to where his family is sitting on a quilt, a picnic basket between them. Katie scratching Cooper between the ears as he happily wags his tail, Mike and Gretchen are teasing Becca about something that ignites laughter. This stresses Dex out? “Dude, your family fucking loves you.”

Dex’s face is red at once. “I know. I know they do. But I…” he trails off, swallows, and then starts again like he’s made an intentional choice to have this conversation. “I feel like I’m trying really hard to be someone that I’m not when I’m with them. And if they figure out I’m this giant _fraud_ then--”

“You’re not a fraud, Dex,” Nursey says, flat.

“No, I am,” Dex insists, dragging a hand through his hair. “I am a fraud. I’m a fraud when I’m at Samwell and then I’m a fraud when I’m here and I’m always just fucking-- _pieces_ of myself and--” he turns away from Nursey, falling silent. Nursey doesn’t move. Dex sucks in a breath through his teeth. “I’m sorry,” he says finally. “Me saying we weren’t friends--there was more context than that. Obviously we’re friends, Nurse. You’re clearly one of the best friends I’ve ever had.”

Something warm blooms inside Nursey’s stomach, flowers sprouting up through his chest.

“Am I?” Nursey asks, trying not to grin.

“You didn’t even question it. You just--got in your fucking car and picked me up. And then you knew my dog’s name already? And my sisters’ names? And my family fucking loves you even though I’ve-- _no offense--_ kind of talked shit about you for nearly two years?”

“Breathe, Dex.”

“Meanwhile you won’t even tell me what you’ve got going on,” Dex says, and this is when Nursey realizes that Dex really _does_ care about him. He can see it, these pieces that Nursey is trying so hard to hold together for everyone else. Dex exhales sharply, shaking his head and turning away just a touch. “I’m such a dick to you,” Dex says.

“You said it.” Dex’s eyes meet Nursey’s and there’s fire in them, but he smiles. Nursey smiles, too. “I don’t think you’re a fraud,” Nursey tells him quietly. Dex makes a face that looks like he doesn’t agree. “It’s okay,” he says. “I might’ve overreacted.”

“Nah. And I mean, you’ve got stuff,” Dex offers, and Nursey nods.

“Yeah, I’ve got stuff. We’ve all got stuff. We don’t need to worry about it right now.” He reaches up, resting his hand on Dex’s shoulder so he can squeeze once. “I’m glad your dog didn’t actually wander off into the woods to die alone,” he says.

Dex nods, turning and looking over his shoulder toward the field where Cooper is now resting with his head on Becca’s lap, tail wagging happily. “Yeah,” he rasps, voice thick. “Me too.” Dex swallows, turning back to face him. “I’m glad you came back,” he says.

“You just need a photographer,” Nursey murmurs.

“Don’t act like you’re not looking for an excuse to use portrait mode on my dog,” he teases. _On you_ , Nursey thinks, smiling as Dex eases back into that comfortable home version of himself. “Are we good?” Dex asks.

“We’re good, Poindexter.” He can’t be mad at Dex. Not only because he really doesn’t want to be, but because he knows that he doesn’t understand. There’s something there, beneath Dex’s skin, and he’s not ready to share what it is. But things like that can ruin people, Nursey knows, and he’s sure that everything with Cooper doesn’t help. Besides, he said sorry. “Now c’mon.” He slings his arm over Dex’s shoulder to walk him back toward his family. “You’ve got a dog to see.”

* * *

The rest of the day flies by.

Nursey has close to a thousand photos of the Poindexter family and their beautiful dog on his phone (and maybe a few dozen of he and Dex that Katie insisted be taken) and he knows it’s not really because of him that the photos turn out so good (rather the beauty of the iPhone camera) but he kind of wants to send one to Jack anyway so they can talk about photography. He’s just trying to pass the time.

Nursey’s just waiting, now. He walked through the park with Dex and Cooper and laughed with Becca and Katie about silly things that Cooper did as a puppy and teared up with Mike and Gretchen as they talked about picking Cooper out of the box all those years ago. As the day dragged on, Cooper’s energy started to shift.

Now Nursey’s alone in the Poindexter household. He didn’t go with them to Cooper’s goodbye (but said the biggest goodbye to that beautiful pup before they drove away) and he’s just waiting for everyone to come home. Without the dog.

It's gonna be sad as shit.

He’s nearly asleep in Dex’s bed when the group chat gets a message.

 **Dex  
** Hey everyone sorry I haven’t been around. Nurse drove me to Maine so I could be with my family. We just put my dog down and it sucks a lot. Sorry about the cryptics.

Nursey holds his phone to his chest. His heart hurts.

He watches as message after message floods into the group chat in support. Ransom sends a million hearts and Bitty says something about getting to work on a pie and Nursey just sits, waiting for Dex to come home. There aren’t any words that are going to make this feel better.

While he’s waiting he gets a text of his own.

 **Dex  
** Hey sorry it’s taking so long.

 **Nursey**  
i’ve got wifi and a phone charger don’t you worry urself abt me  
how you doing?

 **Dex  
** Becca’s not doing so great. We just finished scattering the ashes.

 **Nursey**  
): ****  
take ur time i’m rly ok here

 **Dex**  
We’ll be back soon with pizza.  
You got lucky this time not because I was thinking about you, but because Katie also likes pineapple.

 **Nursey**  
oh! hell! yea!!!!!!!  
you are so sweet willy

 **Dex  
** See you soon.

Nursey lies in Dex’s bed until he hears the Poindexters come home. Becca’s red in the face and hiccuping for air and Nursey offers her a soft smile and a hug that she leans into, crying into Nursey’s shirt like he’s an old friend. He pats Becca’s back kindly while both Mr. and Mrs. Poindexter offer him grateful smiles of their own.

Dex won’t look at him, but that’s okay. His eyes are still a little glossy.

All six of them eat pizza at the kitchen table but it doesn’t have the same feeling as it did this morning. The conversation is easy but sad, and there’s laughter but it’s muted. Nursey helps Dex clean up everyone’s paper plates and mess from the pizza as the house starts to shift into people doing their own things.

“We can stay the night if you want,” Nursey offers. It’s just the two of them in the kitchen now and Dex looks tired. “I don’t mind driving in the morning. Or if you want to go to church, or something.”

Dex snorts, turning to look at him. “You wanna go to church with me, Nurse?” he asks. “Stand with me before the Lord?”

Nursey feels his face flush. “Well I don’t know!”

Dex laughs, still mostly Home Dex, and shakes his head. “Nah. We can go home tonight.” He shrugs when he says, “I don’t think I could stay here knowing that he isn’t in the house somewhere. I don’t think I would sleep super well.” Nursey gets that. He knows a lot about not sleeping super well. “We can leave in the next hour? Be back at Samwell before midnight.”

“Works for me.”

Nursey follows Dex back upstairs to his room to start gathering their stuff but the second Dex’s door is shut, something on his face breaks. He pauses, leaning back against the door, and Nursey stops a few steps away from him.

“Dex,” he whispers.

Dex closes his eyes as though he’s in pain. “I’m really fucking sad, Nurse,” he rasps.

Nursey closes the distance between them and wraps Dex in his arms, sighing in relief when Dex doesn’t protest but rather leans into it. He holds Dex as tightly as he can and lets Dex bury his face by Nursey’s neck. Dex doesn’t outwardly cry but he sucks in sharp, quiet breaths, trying to remain as still as possible as Nursey holds him. They stand as close as they can and Nursey tries to pour out as much of himself as he can.

“He was a really great dog,” Nursey tells him.

Dex sniffles, nodding against him. “Really great,” he agrees.

Nursey slides his fingers into Dex’s hair and closes his own eyes, letting himself be sad for a moment too. Not just for Cooper but for the family who lost someone they love very dearly. “I’m so sorry,” Nursey whispers to him, again and again until Dex’s breathing evens out. "God, Dex, this sucks. I'm so fucking sorry." 

When they pull back, Nursey has the urge to swipe his thumb below Dex’s eye, catch a stray tear that’s fallen. But he doesn’t, he can’t.

“Sorry I’m such a mess,” Dex murmurs, reaching up to wipe his face. “I know you didn’t sign up for this.”

“I don’t mind,” Nursey tells him softly. “Really, Dex. I know you loved him, I know how important he was to you.” Dex’s eyes fill up again and Nursey really really really wants to cup Dex’s cheek, but still, he can’t. “If anything it’s--thank you for sharing this part of you with me, you know? It’s really special.”

“Nurse.”

“I’m serious,” Nursey tells him.

Dex leans back toward him, dropping his forehead onto Nursey’s shoulder like he’s done it a million times before. At once, Nursey’s hands swing up to hold him again. “Thank you,” Dex exhales, sound more tired than Nursey’s ever heard him.

* * *

Dex’s parents hug Nursey goodbye like he’s their child too. Big, full-body hugs that leave Nursey feeling like he’s given a piece of himself to the Poindexters, and Nursey absolutely loves it. Katie and Becca hug him too, Becca more emotional than anything.

Katie just says, “You better keep in touch, Derek!”

He laughs, ruffling her hair. “I’ll text you pics of Willie,” he promises.

Katie grins at Dex’s groan.

When they finally climb into Nursey’s car, he feels like he needs a coffee, so they put the nearest Starbucks into the GPS. He lets Dex hook up to the bluetooth and play whatever music he wants because even though Nursey’s driving, he feels like Dex needs the distraction.

They make idle conversation as they drive, but the car is full of blue energy and not really conducive to casual chatting.

An hour in, Dex turns so he’s facing Nursey more head on.

“Will you tell me what’s going on with your parents?” he asks.

Nursey thinks back to the last time Dex asked. Maybe it wasn’t the exact same question from when they first left on their trip to Maine, but it holds the same weight. _You haven't been sleeping well? What’s going on?_  And Nursey, at the beginning of all of this, had simply written Dex off.

Now he sits with it for a moment.

“They’re not like yours,” Nursey finally says. He grips the steering wheel a little tighter. He’s just seen Dex at his most vulnerable. He held Dex as he cried. Nursey can tell him what’s going on at home. “I haven’t talked to my dad in over a month.”

“Is he okay?” Dex asks.

“According to my step-mom’s Facebook, he’s fine,” Nursey answers. “But he won’t text me back. Or pick up the phone. And I…” he trails off, forcing a laugh. “I mean, I try. But I just don’t think I’m really worth his time at this point.”

Dex shakes his head. “You don’t think you’re worth your dad’s time?”

Nursey’s eyes dart to the directions. “He’s made it clear I’m not,” he says. He can feel Dex tense up beside him. “It’s fine,” Nursey rushes. It’s been a long day for both of them, they don’t need to do this. Nursey hates it, but he accepts it. “Really. It’s always kinda been like this.”

“ _Nurse_.”

He twists his head over to look at Dex, finding him looking slightly horrified. “I got, uh, published last month,” Nursey carries on, looking back to the road and trying to ignore the burning in his eyes. “So I called home, and…” he exhales a forced laugh. “It’s just not what I need to be focusing on,” he settles with.

“What do you mean it’s not what you need to be focusing on?” Dex asks, sounding angry. “You love to write and--Jesus, Nursey, clearly you’re good at it! You got published?”

He looks back to Dex again, feeling his face warm. “My professor submitted something of mine,” he tells him. “It was--I mean.” He laughs again, but this one is more flustered than anything. He didn’t tell the team because his dad’s reaction had been such shit, Nursey kind of buried his excitement about it. “Yeah,” he eventually says. “I got published.”

“Damn,” Dex says, and he looks _proud_. “Did they pay you?”

Nursey nods. “They did.”

“Nice.”

“For real.”

“That’s really cool, Nursey, you should’ve said something.”

Nursey drums his fingers on the steering wheel. He knows he should’ve. The team loves him. They support him very much. Bitty probably would’ve baked him a pie. But his dad’s attitude had changed the very publication into something that Nursey didn’t want to even think about, and that _sucks,_ because Dex is right. Nursey _does_ love to write. And--fuck it, he’s pretty good at it too.

“Maybe next time,” he says softly. “It’s--” he exhales. Talking to Dex is so much easier when he can focus on driving instead of on the conversation. “I just want him to be proud of me,” Nursey whispers. “And he’s not. No matter what I do. Not hockey, not publications. It’s just not enough.”

Dex makes a noise of displeasure. “I’m mad,” he says simply. Another genuine laugh startles out of Nursey. “I’m serious, Nurse, that’s bullshit. He’s gotta be proud of you, you do so much.”

“Nah.” He switches lanes. “My therapist tells me it’s not my fault,” Nursey says casually. He’s doing his part in normalizing mental health conversations, but it still feels like too intimate of a conversation with Dex. “She thinks my dad just--really fucking hates my mom because of her affair. And all of that frustration just gets redirected to me since they don’t talk anymore. Manifests in weird ways.”

“That’s bullshit,” Dex snaps again, sounding angrier than before. “What a fucking asshole.”

“There’s some race stuff too,” he says. “At least. I mean. He’s white and I don’t look white. Can’t help.”

Dex’s face is red in the seat beside him. He crosses his arms over his chest and clenches his jaw. “He’s still supposed to be your dad,” Dex mutters.

Nursey shrugs. “Neither of my parents have ever really… been into it. I guess. Being parents. And they were okay at it when it was both of them, but.” Nursey shakes his head, forcing out a huff of a laugh to make sure the car isn’t so tense. “I think I turned out okay, hm?”

Dex turns to him, something softening in his eyes like he’s reassessing Nursey completely. “You turned out great,” he says quietly. Nursey keeps his eyes on the road, fighting the heat that rises to his face. “Really, Nurse. I give you shit but you’re one of the best people I know?”

“You don’t sound so sure,” Nursey says, laughing again because it's the easiest way to deal with the nerves.

“I just don’t understand how you can’t see how great you are,” Dex tells him. “How _he_ can’t,” he presses on, annoyed. “You literally drove me hours home so I could put my dog down,” Dex mutters, still frustrated.

“But I didn’t do that for him. Or for me.” Nursey turns to him. “Dex, I did that for you.”

“I’m just saying,” Dex rushes, face as red as his hair, “that he’s got a lot to be proud of with you.”

Something peaceful washes over Nursey then, like a rush of water, calming him in the truest sense of the word. “You gonna be this nice to me when we make it back to Samwell, Willie?” Nursey asks with a grin.

“Shuddup, Nurse,” Dex responds, but he’s smiling too.

* * *

In the weeks following Nursey and Dex’s trip to Maine, not much changes.

He and Dex still walk to Faber together. Sometimes Dex still brings him coffee before his 9:30. Dex even asks if he can read Nursey’s publication.

The biggest thing that happens is the dib flip.

When they get split-dibs over Lardo’s room, Nursey’s not even upset about it. Rent will be cheaper, and if he goes home and his father freaks the fuck out, at least he has a place to stay now. They’ll have two years together, and two years of having a roommate might be a pain in the ass, but Nursey doesn’t mind.

His father still doesn’t call.

It’s chill.

Nursey’s fine. He's started sleeping better now that he's stopped hoping for a call back.

He’s by the pond when he considers calling his dad again, anyway. The last voicemail he left was the one in the coffee shop in Maine, and there’s been radio silence since. But they’re edging on two months no-contact and Nursey’s not really okay with that.

But before he can dial, a girl walks past him with the most beautiful dog, and Nursey’s thoughts immediately jump to Dex. The dog isn’t speckled like Cooper was, or even big, really, but she wags her tail like she’s happier than she’s ever been in her life and Nursey loves her instantly.

Next thing he knows, he’s deep in the trenches of Google. It’s easier to focus on pups than it is to think about his dad.

 **Nursey**  
is your family into looking for another dog?  
i found some puppies in ur area that need adopting  
free of charge!!!

 **Dex  
** Where are you?

 **Nursey**  
by the lake  
i didn’t drive to maine to find you a dog dude  
but look at these pics!!!!

Nursey sends a few pictures of the various puppies and waits for a response, but now he’s worried that Dex is angry. He can be like that sometimes. He’s been chill ever since they decided to split the room, but it was pretty tense for a moment. Sometimes Nursey’s worried he’s going to flip them back into the red by accident, even after their Maine trip.

But when Dex appears he doesn’t look pissed, he looks fond. His face lights up when he spots Nursey and Nursey’s stomach bottoms out.

“Hey!” Dex calls.

Nursey leans back onto his palm with a smile. “Hey,” he greets. “Aren’t those dogs cute as shit?”

Dex laughs, settling down beside him. “They are.” Nursey tilts his screen so he can show Dex that he’s still looking through a few and Dex leans closer. “I don’t think Becca’s ready for another dog just yet,” Dex admits. “But I might send this to my dad anyway.” Dex leans back. “Why were you looking up dogs in Maine?” Dex asks.

A laugh startles its way out of Nursey. “Because I was thinking about you,” Nursey tells him, as it’s the truth.

He’s about to elaborate on _why_ he was thinking about Dex when Dex reaches up, cupping Nursey’s cheek, and kisses him.

His phone drops into his lap as he scrambles to draw Dex closer. Nursey feels Dex’s mouth curve into a smile and he almost laughs, overwhelmed and confused and wanting this more than he’d originally thought. But rather than lose himself in this kiss like he wants to, an alarm goes off somewhere in Nursey’s head, and he pulls back just a touch.

“Will,” he murmurs, and they’re still close enough that Nursey feels the smile grow rather than sees it. Nursey’s smiling too, eyes hooded. “Um?”

“I know, I know,” Dex says as he pulls back farther. He drags his hand through his hair, shaking his head just a little. “Let me start over.”

Nursey arches an eyebrow but leans in. “I mean if you insist.”

Dex lifts his hand to Nursey’s chest to stop him from actually closing the distance between them. “Nurse,” he laughs, watching Nursey lick his lips. But, like, Nursey really _does_ want to kiss Dex again. Really bad. He’s wanted to kiss Dex for a long time that as much as he wants an explanation, he wants more kissing too. Dex’s fingers curl on Nursey’s shirt and Dex’s eyes drop, gaze somewhere near Nursey’s collarbone. “I’m not straight,” he says eventually, like he’s forcing himself to say the words. “I don’t know if there’s a label out there that I want to claim yet, but I know I’m not straight.”

 _Pieces of himself_ , Nursey remembers.

“Cool,” Nursey says. “Me neither.”

Dex laughs again, but it’s more of an overwhelmed and flustered laugh than anything. “I like you,” Dex tells him, still refusing to meet Nursey’s eyes.

Nursey cups Dex’s cheek and leans in again, sharing a kiss that Nursey never imagined could be so soft with a man who likes to be so sharp. “God, I like you,” Nursey responds softly. Dex’s eyes ease open and they’re so _warm_ that Nursey’s stomach erupts with butterflies. William fucking Poindexter. “I never thought…”

“I am a certified mess,” Dex tells him, bumping his nose against Nursey’s. “And scared shitless right now. But seriously, Nurse? Did you hear yourself?”

Nursey lifts his other hand to Dex’s other cheek and tugs him in again. “I know what I said,” Nursey hums.

“You were thinking about me? Jesus.”

Nursey steals another kiss. Does he get to do this all next year? “I’m always thinking about you,” he tells Dex, just to watch him blush.

Sooner or later they’ll talk about the _why_ and the _what’s next_. He’ll tell Dex about how he liked him before his trip home but _craved_ him after. About the way a smile from Dex makes Nursey’s chest do absurdly stupid things. But for now they’re just kissing in the quad, homework and possible dogs to be adopted forgotten.

Nursey’s kissing his way down Dex’s throat when Chowder finds them twenty minutes later.

“That took less time than I thought it would,” Chowder says, sitting down beside them.

“Ugh, _C_ ,” Nursey whines as Dex’s nudges Nursey away to bury his face in his hands. “We were busy.”

“Yeah. The whole quad knows just how busy you were,” Chowder says, gesturing to the pretty populated lake. Nursey can’t help but laugh while Dex groans. “I mean--you know you have your own room now, right?”

“Lardo hasn’t moved out yet,” Dex mutters, muffled into his arms. Slowly, he extracts himself from his self-made cocoon. “I should call home,” he murmurs, dragging his fingers through his hair to fix it. His face is still pink but the corners of Dex’s mouth are tugging upwards slightly, like he wants to be smiling but his face isn’t used to it. He’s so fucking adorable. Nursey’s gonna have to sit on his hands to stop himself from reaching for him again. “Talk to the team. Oh my God I have so much I have to do now.”

Chowder sprawls out, lying down so he’s somehow on both Dex’s and Nursey’s lap at the same time. “You have time,” Chowder reminds him. “Gosh, I love it when you two get along!”

Nursey watches Dex bite his lip to keep down his smile.

He is on cloud fucking nine.

* * *

When Lardo moves out and Nursey and Dex get to move in, they get a little distracted as they try to set their room up. There’s enough space that they can have both of their beds on the ground (instead of bunking them) and even though they set them all the way across the room from one another, they end up making out on Dex’s mattress before the afternoon.

“This is so not productive,” Dex mutters at one point. But he reaches to pull off Nursey’s shirt anyway, so the making out continues. They have two goddamn years to set up their room, they can do it later.

Still, after they’ve actually _made_ their beds and unpacked a little, they settle down again (this time in Nursey’s, as Dex insists it’s more comfortable). Dex scrolls through pictures of dogs that he and his family have been talking about while Nursey presses lazy kisses to Dex’s shoulder in between.

He’s happy. Nursey’s really fucking happy and he knows that the smile on Dex’s face means the same.

“Maybe you could come up this summer,” Dex says after he puts his phone away. “If we do get a dog.”

“I could come up even if you don’t,” Nursey reminds him. “I seem to remember your family absolutely loving me.”

“Ugh,” Dex rolls onto his back. “Of course they do. It’s so annoying.”

Nursey laughs. He moves then, climbing over Dex so he can straddle his hips. “Your family loving me is annoying?” he asks. Dex rolls his eyes but that smile’s still there, and Nursey hopes he never gets used to it. “Why?”

“Because you and Katie are totally going to ruin my life,” Dex murmurs.

“Don’t talk about your sisters in bed,” Nursey reprimands, causing Dex to roll his eyes again. “Will, I freaking love your family. You know that, right?”

Dex leans up for the next kiss. “Yeah,” he exhales. “I know.” He slides his hands around Nursey’s waist before they settle, resting on his thighs. “I love that you love them,” Dex says softly. “That they love you.”

Nursey bends down to kiss him again. “That they’re cool with _us_?” he wonders.

“I love that they’re cool with us,” Dex says with an easy smile.

“Me too,” Nursey agrees with a grin. He’s gotta tell his own parents, but he’s not too worried. “Besides--” he starts, but stops at the sound of a phone ringing. Nursey glances over his shoulder, looking for it. “Is that yours?” he asks.

Dex’s hand flails out for where he placed his phone before shaking his head. “Must be yours.”

Nursey scrambles off of Dex to try and find his phone. “Fuck,” he says, scanning the room. Fucking boxes everywhere. “Help me look for it!”

Dex rises to the occasion and rolls out of bed in an instant, searching alongside Nursey as the phone rings. “Here!” Dex shouts, pulling out Nursey’s phone from behind one of the various piles of clothes they have. He looks down at the screen and pauses, face falling neutral. “Derek,” he says, looking up and holding it out ot him. “It’s your dad.”

Nursey grabs the phone from him, looking down at the screen. Something is tangled inside of him. Anger and sadness and confusion and fear. “Should I answer?” he asks.

“I think so,” Dex tells him. “I would.”

Nursey almost doesn’t want to. It’s been so long since he’s heard his father’s voice and he’s so blissfully happy right now that he’s almost afraid of what this phone call could do.

He reaches out for Dex as he swipes to answer the call, tangling their fingers together and desperately trying to ground himself before he hears his father speak. He looks to Dex, who’s nodding encouragingly, and knows that no matter what’s next, good or bad or neutral, he’ll make it through.

“Dad?” he answers. Nursey can do this. Dex squeezes his hand. He can _totally_ do this. “Hey.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay so i may or may not have an ideal for a sequel

**Author's Note:**

> find me on tumblr @madgesundersee or twitter @wholesomeholsom! leave some love if you can!! <3


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